Just Say No: The Unexpected Key to Productivity

Also, life lessons from a mediocre movie and the trick to being an adult.

On Productivity…

It's okay to say no. No really, you can do it.

Learning to say “no” is crucial for setting boundaries, expressing our needs, and maintaining mental and emotional health. It helps prevent burnout, work-life balance woe, feeling exploited, and losing autonomy. If you say yes to everything you might end up as the go-to person for everything. That’s an easy way to get overwhelmed.

But saying no is tough. We fear offending folks, damaging relationships, or harming our reputation. It might be challenging because it contradicts others' expectations of us. However, every “yes” means a “no” to something else. All those yeses come at a cost.

By saying no, you can regain control of your life. Don’t sweat it, it's a skill that gets easier with practice.

How to Do It:

1. Express Gratitude: Start with a good old 'thanks for the opportunity.' This shows you value the trust placed in you. But then politely decline.

2. Be Honest: Talk about your limits. This can build trust and avoid misunderstandings.

3. Reiterate Your Priorities: Emphasize your focus on current or previous commitments.

4. Offer Alternatives: Suggest other ways to achieve the task. This shows your willingness to help.

5. Don’t Apologize: Maintain your decision without saying you are sorry. You are not wrong to set boundaries.

Tips for Easier 'Nos':

• Give it a try: No better way to strengthen this muscle than to start practicing it. Regularly saying "no" builds comfort and skill.

• Change your defaults: We often automatically respond with "yes," "you betcha," or "sure thing." Put in the effort to shift your go-to response from an immediate "yes, definitely" to a "maybe" or "nope, sorry."

• Pre-empt Requests: If possible, announce your availability or lack thereof early to sidestep potential requests.

• Stall for time: Avoid agreeing immediately. If someone asks you for a favor, let them know you'll need to consider it for a bit. This pause allows you to assess whether you can (and should) make time in your life for what they're asking.

In essence, mastering the art of saying "no" is not just about rejecting requests; it's an exercise in self-respect and boundary-setting that’s really good for you. When you protect your time and energy, you are also contributing more meaningfully to the tasks and relationships that truly matter. So practice saying no. It’s tough at first, but so worth it in the end.

On Mindfulness…

Have you ever watched the movie "Best Defense"?

It's a 1984 comedy featuring Dudley Moore and Eddie Murphy. Moore plays a military weapons engineer who's working on a tank's targeting system, and Murphy is a tank commander dealing with the system's flaws in combat years later. The movie runs two stories side by side: Moore's character, Wylie Cooper, is developing the system in 1982, while Murphy's character, Lt. T.M. Landry, faces the repercussions in 1984 during the Iraq invasion of Kuwait.

The tank…is a mess. It’s hard to control and navigate, and just about everything that can go wrong with it, does. Even though Cooper and Landry never meet, Cooper's engineering decisions have a direct impact on Landry's harrowing experience.

It’s not a very good movie.

But I think about it constantly. The notion that the choices we make now will have a profound effect on our future selves sticks with me. Consider your daily grind, how you spend your time, who you hang out with, and even the random thoughts you let play in your head. Are they pointing you toward the kind of future you actually want?

Our choices now are like dominoes. Knock one down, and it starts a chain reaction leading somewhere—hopefully, somewhere good. It's easy to cruise through days without thinking much about it, kind of like how Cooper did his job without considering the future mess for Landry. But we've got the power to steer our future in a better direction, starting with what we do today.

Think about your daily habits, the work you put your energy into, the relationships you build, and even the thoughts you entertain. Are they creating the future you want? Strive to make choices that not only serve your immediate needs but also pave the way for a future that your future self will thank you for.

After all, in the story of our lives, we play both the roles of Cooper and Landry, the engineer and the recipient of our decisions. How will you ensure that your choices today are building a future you're excited to meet?

On Parenting…

My daughter turned 18 on Sunday. The night before, I arrived home a bit late from a Sounders soccer game (it ended in a tie, what a weird sport). I went in to say goodnight because she was still awake, and after a brief chat, she suddenly burst into tears. Sadness overwhelmed her. She expressed all her fears about growing up, saying, "I don't want to be an adult."

Reflecting on this over the past few days, here's what I wish I had said: Don't be one.

Being an adult is boring. It’s filled with pressure and responsibility, work, problems, and the weight of the world.

I think the trick to being an adult is to be a child your entire life. This doesn’t mean you neglect all the adulting that must be done. But that doesn’t have to be your life. Embrace a childlike existence, full of wonder, learning, fun, and joy. We often let life's responsibilities erase the child within us. Let's reverse that—let the children show the adults how to live, love, laugh, and play. Sure, pay your bills, floss, and yes, get that colonoscopy! But don't just be an adult. That's a terrible idea.